Black Dogs & Burning Desire

It's been quite a summer, for most of it I have been accompanied by the black dog of depression. It came about after finishing my show 'The Middle Bit' for the Bristol Mayfest. It's a show that explores misery and self destruction (in my own mild mannered mode at least, no rock and roll here, just introspection) and as I say in the show I had hoped that the process of making it would help. Hmmm, well it didn't and that really got me down. Oh the irony.

Depression is a right pain, it swamps and suffocates you, in the process of making the show the character of the Black Sludge Beast emerged, it didn't make the final cut, but in my mind it looks like the polluted river god in Spirited Away, a heaving mass of black mucus, and it's primary desire is to suck everything down to shit and eternal despair. What's to be done about it? Mostly it's a question of riding the sad wave, but there are things that can help.

I have practised Tai Chi for several years and this has helped a great deal, it's a calming and centring activity, that brings you into your body and out of your head. Generally any form of exercise is a good thing, just to get the endorphins flowing. On the supplement front St John's Wort (mood stabilization) and 5-HTP (a building block of serotonin) can be very useful.

So now I'm feeling pretty good, something that is usually indicated by the number of creative ideas I'm having, and at the moment I've got a bunch of them. The germ of Part Three of the trilogy has formed and it's basically about desire and the fragility of life. I'm also involved in a slew of shows, details of which will now appear on this site.

There is a lot of weirdness and shame intertwined with mental health problems, and I think that this can only be dispeled by talking about it. So many of the people I have known, especially when I was younger suffered a great deal and nothing was every really said. This silence has only ever made things worse. So this is my little contribution.